Level 3 · tense situation
Negotiate a raise: an annotated email example
Get a meeting to discuss it, with your arguments.
The situation
Steven MooreYour manager
This year you beat your targets by 15% and signed client Atlas. You'd like an 8% raise. Budgets are decided at the end of November.
Pragmatic: he backs raises when he has hard numbers to show HR.
Goal
Get a meeting to discuss it, with your arguments.
The winning structure
A good email for this situation includes these elements, in this order:
- A greeting with the recipient's first name.
- Results (targets +15%)
- The client signed (Atlas)
- The ask (8%)
- A meeting requested
- A clear ask at the end: a question or an action with a deadline.
- A short sign-off, then your name.
Common mistakes
- Leaving out results (targets +15%) : « What's this based on? »
- Leaving out the client signed (Atlas) : « What concrete results? »
- Leaving out the ask (8%) : « What do they actually want? »
- Leaving out a meeting requested : « When do we talk about it? »
- Getting defensive before acknowledging the problem.
- Sharing bad news with no solution and no next step.
Write your own version: the recipient reacts and you get a score out of 100.
The annotated example
Try it yourself first: you'll remember more. Click to show the example.
Subject : Meeting request – compensation
Hi Steven,
- Greeting by first name: the reader knows it's for them.
This year I beat my targets by 15% and signed Atlas as a client. I'd like to discuss this with you, along with an 8% raise.
- Includes: results (targets +15%).
- Includes: the client signed (Atlas).
- Includes: the ask (8%).
- Includes: a meeting requested.
Could we find 30 minutes before budgets are set at the end of November?
- Includes: a meeting requested.
- Clear ask: the reader knows what to do.
Thanks,
Alex
- Short sign-off, then the name.
Why it works : 44 words against a target of 95, 7 words per sentence on average, no filler phrases.